The questions we ALL have during a massage

This week I’m getting real about massages. Those little slices of luxurious pampering that you do once in a while to relax and unwind. When you are supposed to be drifting into a realm of utter serenity, you can’t help but let your mind wander. Here’s what we are all thinking…

1. Is there actually a correct way round to put on paper pants? Like srsly?

2. Is having this much of my bum out really necessary? 

3, Why hasn’t someone invented a treatment bed with boob holes yet? 

4. I wonder how many semi-naked people this masseuse has actually seen?

5. What the hell can I do to stop my toe nails squeaking on the bed? (if you do not have this thought then I do apologise, and must be the only person with very shiny, squeaky toenails).

6. Is that clicking/popping/cracking normal or is my back now actually broken?


7. What if I kick the masseuse in the face when they are massaging my feet?

8. Are those whale sounds or stomach rumbles? 

9. Have I got the tightest shoulders he/she has ever felt? 


10. When is the ‘no pain no gain’ mantra no longer applicable? (probably while grimacing through the sheer hell of a fist in the calf)

11. How does an elbow in the back manage to feel so good and so bad at the same time? 


12. When am I going to be rich enough to afford regular massages?

13. Oooh, who knew head massages felt so nice?

14. Surely it hasn’t been a whole hour already?

15. Now where do I deposit these bloomin’ paper pants? *tucks into dressing gown pocket and forgets all about them*

So next time you’re lying face down waiting for someone to give you a rub down (oh er!) I hope you’ll be thinking of me (well, this blog post)…

R x

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