This week I’m getting real about massages. Those little slices of luxurious pampering that you do once in a while to relax and unwind. When you are supposed to be drifting into a realm of utter serenity, you can’t help but let your mind wander. Here’s what we are all thinking…
1. Is there actually a correct way round to put on paper pants? Like srsly?
2. Is having this much of my bum out really necessary?
3, Why hasn’t someone invented a treatment bed with boob holes yet?
4. I wonder how many semi-naked people this masseuse has actually seen?
5. What the hell can I do to stop my toe nails squeaking on the bed? (if you do not have this thought then I do apologise, and must be the only person with very shiny, squeaky toenails).
6. Is that clicking/popping/cracking normal or is my back now actually broken?
WACKY BEAUTY HACKS THAT ACTUALLY WORK
7. What if I kick the masseuse in the face when they are massaging my feet?
8. Are those whale sounds or stomach rumbles?
9. Have I got the tightest shoulders he/she has ever felt?
WHAT GOING TO THE MALDIVES IS REALLY LIKE
10. When is the ‘no pain no gain’ mantra no longer applicable? (probably while grimacing through the sheer hell of a fist in the calf)
11. How does an elbow in the back manage to feel so good and so bad at the same time?
12. When am I going to be rich enough to afford regular massages?
13. Oooh, who knew head massages felt so nice?
14. Surely it hasn’t been a whole hour already?
15. Now where do I deposit these bloomin’ paper pants? *tucks into dressing gown pocket and forgets all about them*
So next time you’re lying face down waiting for someone to give you a rub down (oh er!) I hope you’ll be thinking of me (well, this blog post)…
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