This blog post is dedicated to my fellow Londoners who have the daily struggle of life on the tube, having to put up with an array of different characters doing a bunch of annoying things. See if you can relate to any of these usual suspects…
1. The one that misinterprets the ‘please move right down inside the carriages’ announcement for ‘please remain stood in front of the doors just to be a pain in the ass’. Perhaps take your drum and bass blaring headphones out for a second and you might hear the bloody thing.
2. The one that confuses the tube seat for their own comfy sofa and proceeds to spread out (mansplain) for the duration of the journey, forcing you to recoil in horror and have to attempt to read your newspaper only opening the pages an inch to avoid any further contact. Urgh. Just, urgh.
3. The one that fully over-estimates his/her own core strength and decides he/she doesn’t need to hold on like every other normal passenger when stood up. Advice: you haven’t done a sit up since Jane Fonda was on the scene, please just hold on and keep yourself upright.
4. The one that decides to keep their enormous ‘I’m going inter-railing for six weeks’ kinda backpack on whilst attempting a 180-degree turn in the carriage. Four unsuspecting casualties get a rugby scrum-esque experience before 8am in the morning.
5. The ‘chillax-ed’ one who decides to casually lean on the pole inside the carriage meaning that the 10 people are no longer able to cling on for dear life while the Bakerloo Line hurtles along its tunnel of sweaty hell.
6. The one (okay two!) people who decide the sweaty, dirty underground is the perfect place to pack on the PDA. Please leave your cutesy kisses and pet names at home. The sound of your smooching is even penetrating my Beyoncé playlist.
7. The one that has clearly never been on a tube before so remarks at every novelty aspect of the journey. This person is usually met with eye rolls from every other passenger as they embark on their 2425638th tube journey.
8. The one that decides to fight through the sea of people in a massive panic to get as close to the doors as possible before the tube has even arrived at the station. Yes, we know you are getting off, so it’s everyone else, it’s Oxford flamin’ Circus!
To be honest, I could probably continue, naming way more than just eight annoying types of people. In fact, at one point or another every single person on the tube is insufferable. But for now, that’s just a taster of the pleasant chaps I spend my commuting hours with… the joys of the London life!